The Adventures of Princess Zel
by Not-Really-Gandalf
Summary: Zel, the princess of Mordor, must prove herself worthy in a series of challenges set up by the strange not-really-Gandalf. And just when poor Zel thought that was over, "s"he was forced to join the fellowship. Good luck, Prince"ss" Zel! Now being rewritten.
1. RapunZEL

The legend of Zel, fairytale arc

RapunZEL

Prologue

Chapter 1- Rapunzel

The trouble with dark lords, you see, is that they tend to be smart. They have to be, or they wouldn't be dark lords, they'd just be henchmen (who are wonderful but not quite the same). And when one has been a dark lord for just as long as Sauron, well, you know they're pretty smart. It was so that when forging his rings, it occurred to Sauron that he needed a plan- a backup plan. Immortality was all good all well but what if something happened? It was such that Sauron decided he would get himself an heir.

He appealed to Morgoth for aid, and aid he got. Morgoth sent down 7 lumps of highly radioactive metal for him to carve into heirs, and so he carved himself 7 sons. Strong, fair, and quite loyal to Sauron- loyalty, after all, is so hard to find in the world of evildoing. All was well until the seventh son was carved, when Sauron suddenly sneezed and cut off the top of the metal, thus making his youngest a foot shorter than his other son, and possibly missing some of the properties imbued in the stone my Morgoth… Oh well, thought Sauron, no matter. What could possibly go wrong, right?

Thus was born Rapunzel, youngest of Saurons sons. And thus begins Rapunzels story.

13 year old Rapunzel groaned. Honestly! What did he ever do to get locked up in this stupid tower, huh?

Okay, so maybe he did kill a couple thousand orcs, and his dad decided to restrain him to this tower. But seriously! His dad didn't need to put him here...

Did I mention his dad just so happened to be Sauron?

So, Rapunzel, who was quite clearly a boy and the son of Sauron, was locked up in a tower scowled and glared outside the window. Then he decided to go back to his current activity, which was not embroidery.

Not one chance in hell. He was only decorating his socks because he had nothing else to do! It wasn't like he was some princess locked up in a tower waiting to be rescued!

...Ahem. Anyways, Rapunzel was in his tower one day when his rather androgynous looking fairy godmother came by. He didn't really like his fairy godmother, since he (or was it a she?) was _so_ annoying. But still- locked up in this tower he couldn't really do much better.

So, with a great **BANG!**, his fairy god mother appeared.

"Hello! I am the great Gandalf, come to help the princess in need! Now, what can I do for you today, good princess?"

Rapunzel dropped his project (it _wasn't_ embroidery!) and rolled his eyes. "I didn't call you. And I'm not a princess."

"No need to be humble, good princess!"

Rapunzel was used to this, since it happened every day, so he kept his temper in check.

"DARN IT OLD MAN! OR WOMAN! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU ARE! JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWER ALREADY!"

Well, temper in check for Rapunzel, anyways. And like every other day, Gandalf just danced away from the attacks. Yet today, something was a little different.

"Well, I do haaveee soooommmmeeetthiiing ffooor youuuuu..." sung Gandalf happily.

Rapunzel stared in awe. "Really? You do?"

Gandalf grinned evilly and handed Rapunzel a little bottel with a ash-blonde liquid inside.

"Drink this before you sleep tonight, and when you wake up, everything is going to be better!"

Rapunzel did as told, and the next morning Gandalf knew that it had worked, when, 15 miles away in his (or was it her?) hidden cottage, he heard a voice screech

"WHAT THE! OH MY GOD!... GANDALF! DARN IT! I HAAATTEEEE YOOOOUUU!"

1.

Rapunzel woke up and grumbled. He was always grumbling these days. So, he woke up and grumbled, then he stretched a little a flopped out of bed. Then he brushed his hair.

And he had a _lot_ of hair. Ever since Gandalf (who he know knew was really a she, and not called Gandalf at all) had fed him that stupid potion, he know had 1500 feet of hair. Ugh.

It wasn't like Rapunzel had tried to hack/saw/bite/cut/tear/rip his hair off! But the darn hair appeared to be made of steel. He told not-really-Gandalf this once, and not-really-Gandalf happily told him

"It's elvish hair, silly! It can't be cut! Why do you think Legolas has such long hair?"

Rapunzel replied that he didn't know who Legolas was, and not-really-Gandalf pouted.

Anyways, since Rapunzel couldn't cut his hair, he just coiled it and kept it in a corner of his room. And waited. Because not-really-Gandalf had told him to wait, and that his hair would help save him. Rapunzel didn't know what that meant, so he just waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited

And waited.

And waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

And then... One day...

He waited.

And waited.

And waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

And waited

And then... one day...

Something was different.

Rapunzel could feel it in his bones when he woke up. Something different. Something strange...

So he stepped over his big coil of hair in the corner and looked out the window.

And screamed.

For down there, finally, after all these years (2 years, actually) was what not-really-Gandalf promised as his "prince charming". But this was not prince charming. The terrible voice rose up to it's windows.

"My precious... My precious..."

Rapunzel freaked, obviously, because of the strange creature down there. He quickly looked around for any weapons, but dad had stolen all of his...

His eyes were suddenly drawn to the mass of hair curled up. Yes! He could use that! Quickly, he dragged the end of it out and focused on the strange creature climbing the tower. With a loud ki-ai, he flung the hair at the strange creature. Since it was elven hair, it quickly threw the strange creature off. Rapunzel sighed in relief- he had won!

He turned his head, and suddenly realized that his hair was slipping out the window. Quickly. And headed for the ground. He pulled and pulled, but found he couldn't stop it.

_ i'm going to die! NOOOOO!_

15 miles, away, not-really-Gandalf looked up as he heard a

"AAAA

AAAAA

AAAAA

AAAA

AAAA

AAA

AAAA

AAAAA

HHHHHH

HHHHHH

HHHHHHH

!

!

!

!"

Must be Rapunzel, not-really-Gandalf decided.

He always was a bit loud.

Rapunzel gasped and flailed his arms as he hurtled down through the air and plummeted towards the ground, and towards that long dirty-blonde giant pile of elven hair. He always knew that not-really Gandalf would be the death of him! He just didn't know it would be this literal.

Anyways, so, Rapunzel fell... and fell... and fell...

And landed.

On top of Golem.

Who was promptly crushed, because with the weight of the hair on top of him, Rapunzel was the straw that broke the camels back. Or Golem, in this case. So with one last cry of

"NO! MY PRREEECCIOOOUUUSSS!"

Golem was suffacated under the ginormous weight of the hair. Rapunzel landed on a soft cushion of hair and Golem, and lived to see another day.

And they (well, he. And maybe not-really-Gandalf) all lived (sort of) happily ever after.

.

.

.

.

.

Yeah right.


	2. CinderZELla 1

The legend of Zel, fairytale arc

CinderZELla

So, here was Rapunzel, lying on top of his hair and a dead Golem, totally chilling out and staring at the sky. He had some bacon in one hand, and some toast in the other, and he was peacefully enjoying his freedom when not-really-Gandalf came along. It went a little like this-

"Hi Zelly!"

"Oh. It's you. Hey, not really Gandalf."

not-really-Gandalf looked around, and said,

"So, I see you passed the Rapunzel test!"

"Uh-huh. So, what's next? " Zel sighed (for his name was Zel, apparently) and rolled his eyes.

Not-really-Gandalf laughed and clapped his/her hands together.

"Take my magic steed! This is not-really-Shadowfax, but you can just call him not-really-Shadowfax!"

"Um..."

"not-really-Shadowfax will take you to your next destination! Have fun! Oh, and drink this!"

not-really-Gandalf handed Zel a vial filled with a strange blue liquid. Zel held it out in front of himself, too scared to bring it close to his body.

"What exactly is this stuff?" Zel asked.

Not-really-Gandalf beamed.

"It will take your hair back to it's normal length!"

Zel's eyes sparkled, and started to unscrew the lid so as to take a big gulp. But suddenly, the memory of what happened last time he drank something not-really-Gandalf offered him came to mind. Was something the old wizard (or was it a witch?) actually safe?

Not-really-Gandalf appeared to be psychic, because he/she promptly said

"Drink up! It's perfectly safe!"

So Zel unscrewed the lid and drank it all. He let not-really-Gandalf push him onto not-really-Shadowfax when he suddenly felt a strange sensation.

"not-really-Gandalf? What's happening?"

not-really-Gandalf smirked at Zel and said

"I lied. Along with shortening your hair, though only to waist length, this acts as a knockout drug and will make some other minor changes. But don't worry- it won't be anything really bad!"

Zel's eyes widened, but he soon found that he was to drowsy to do anything. As not-really-Shadowfax started to canter away, he vaguely heard not-really-Gandalf saying

"I'll see you soon! And don't worry- you shall go to the ball, Cinderella! Mwahahaha!"

Zel's last thought before going unconcious was that he was doomed.

When Zel woke up, he realized that he was at a place that he hadn't been in years.

His father's palace.

He bolted up upon realizing this and looked around when his dad's voice came up to him.

"We didn't expect you back so soon, Rapunzel. And you still have to pay for the Orcs that you killed! How did you escape that tower? And why are you a girl?"

Zel frowned. What was...

WAIT.

A GIRL?

DID HE REALLY JUST CALL ME A GIRL? WHY WOULD HE DO THAT!

Then not-really-Gandalf''s words played in his head, and, with a chilled feeling, he looked down to see a dress and what was most definitely the body of a girl.

15 miles away, not-really-Gandalf looked up from his/her cup of tea upon hearing a high pitched:

"NOTREALLYGANDALF! YOU STUPID HERMAPHRODITE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! WHY THE HECK AM I A GIRL! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! THE SECOND YOU SHRINK MY HAIR AND THEN... THIS! I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME OVER THERE IN YOUR STUPID COTTAGE IN DAD'S KINGDOM! DON'T DENY IT! NOTREALLYSHADOWFAX TOLD ME!

.

.

.

YES, HE CAN TALK! THAT'S NOT THE POINT! CHANGE ME BACK RIGHT NOW! THIS INSTANT, YOU HEAR ME?"

Gandalf fumed at the sound of his unappreciative charge, (honestly! He was enjoying his tea!) then pulled out a megaphone and stuck his head out the window.

"I'M MALE, IDIOT! AND I'LL REMIND YOU THAT YOU AREN'T! STOP COMPLAINING! I DID YOU A FAVOR!"

Zel screeched in indignation, and anger, mainly since he couldn't get to notreallygandalf.

"NOTREALLYGANDALF! THE SECOND I'M NOT GROUNDED ANYMORE I WILL COME AFTER YOU!"

"MY NAMES NOT NOTREALLYGANDALF! IT'S BIBBITY, OKAY? PLEASE DON'T REMIND ME!"

"... WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS THAT?"

"SHUT UP! I DON'T WANT TO BE REMINDED OF THIS, REALLY!"

"HEHE! DEAL WITH IT, BIBBITY! I GET CHANGED INTO A GIRL, YOU HAVE THIS AS YOUR PUNISHNMENT UNTIL YOU TURN ME BACK!"

"FINE! I CAN WAIT FOREVER!"

"SAURON IS MY DAD, STUPID, SO CAN I!"

There was a long and awkward silence during which every living creature (and a couple rocks) in a 100 mile radius attempted to regain their hearing. Just as their ears almost stopped bleeding, though,

"RAPUNZELYARA EVILDEATHNESS SAURONSON! DON'T YOU DARE IGNORE YOUR FATHER!"

"STAY OUT OF THIS DAD! THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND BIBBITY!"

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME BIBBITY! AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT, I'LL BE KILLING SAURON!"

"OH NO YOU DON'T BIBBITY!"

Creatures everywhere shuddered. The three most feared beings in the world were getting in a fight that included megaphones.

Then they thought more logically and fled.

The population of middle-earth, though, never did quite understand the cause of all those extra monsters that year...

5 years later, Zel sighed as she scrubbed the floor of her dad's dungeon. She had gradually gotten used to life as a girl, as a princess, but still had to work one week a month as part of her punishment for escaping her tower. Still, life could be worse. She could be dying of boredom.

(2 years later)

Zel moaned and flopped down on her bed.

"I'M DYING OF BOREDOM!" she screeched.

Nobody heard Zel. She sighed and pulled out a piece of bacon, munching at it as she reflected on her situation. Her dad and brothers were out doing whatever they did, and Zel was stuck. She had read every book on torture that her dad had, beaten every Orc in battle, killed 5 monsters, taken etiquette lessons, gone to a fitting for a new dress, and brushed her hair a thousand times all in the space of one day! Seriously, what was there to do? She was stuck as a teenager because of the ring her dad had made her, so she should be partying or something! She was a princess! Wasn't there a ball or something to go to?

For lack of a better thing to do, Zel said this out loud. And then, she heard a little _pop_, and a eerily familiar voice said

"All you had to do was say that,you know!"

Turning around, her fears were confirmed.

Bibbity was behind her.

"A  
>A<br>A  
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H

H

H

H

H

H

H

!

!

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"

Bibbity blinked.

"Wow! You've gotten a lot louder since I've last seen you!"

"Hey... Nice to see you too."

"Guess what?" Bibbity asked "Guess what Zelly?"

"Ok... what?"

Bibbity gave that evil smirk that Zel feared so much.

"It's time for your CinderZELla test, my darling! You shall go to the ball!"


	3. CinderZELla 2RumpelZELtskin 1

The adventures of Prince"ss" Zel

Fairytale Arc CinderZELla, Part 2

"Ball? What ball?"

Zel frowned and Bibbity looked thoughtful.

"Well," said Bibbity "it's not really a ball. It's more of a birthday party. A hundred and eleventh birthday party, really. Still, Zelly, darling, we'll get you all dolled up and ready to go!"

Zel's eye twitched. "I. Am. Not. Going. To. A. Ball."

"Awww, but Zel! You just said you would!"

"Yeah. And I don't know what I was thinking!" Zel glared and snuggled into the cushions of her bed, attempting to ignore the irritating whatever-Bibbity-was.

"... if you go, you'll be able to fight again."

"mmhmmm... Wait. WHAT?"

Zel bolted up and stared with wide eyes.

"Yes, Zel! You can fight! Against your father!"

"... what's the catch?"

Bibbity sighed and sat on the bed next to Zel. "Look Zel, you and I both know that you're a trained warrior. Honestly, it's a miracle I'm still alive!"

"Huh. You got that right."

"I need you to go to this lovely little place with a bunch of hobbits. Some events are going to transpire and I need you to track down and aid Frodo Baggins."

"Alright..."

"Here's the deal- you keep him and company safe, and do it by fighting. When you get Frodo and friends to the first destination, I give you your sword back."

"My baby!"

"Yes, your baby. So, do we have a deal?"

Zel grinned and nodded enthusiastically, and Bibbity noticed that she was already in her armor. Hm, that would have to change.

"Oh, and Zel?"

"Yeah?"

"Since you're going to a party first, there's something I need to do!"

Zel noticed that Bibbity's serious facade had come off and that he know had a seriously scary looking grin on.

"What is it?" Zel inquired slowly.

Bibbity just grinned more.

"It's... MAKEOVER TIME!"

"...

A  
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H

H

H

H

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H

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!

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!

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"

About 20 miles away, Sauron looked up from where he was plotting to take over middle earth and sighed. His youngest son (ahem, daughter) sure could be a loud one.

When Zel arrived in the Shire, she turned quite a few heads. One part of that was her attire- Bibbity had put her in an "adorable!" forest green dress. Bibbity had made it himself and was quite proud of the creation. The thing came to Zel's mid thigh with a long slit up the side, though she was thankfully covered by a pair of darker green leggings. It had a gathered waist which was hidden under a thing ribbon tied at her back, and a round lace collar that sat just below a pretty choker, which apparently matched her eyes. Zel's hair was done in a similar manner, part of her waist length mane braided in a crown across her head and the other part hanging down loosely, with a cute little hat to cap it all off. Zel looked quite lovely.

The other part of Zel that drew attention, though, was that she was most definitely did not belong in the Shire. For starters, her frame was much to tall to be a hobbit. A sash covered the front of her dress and made a shield for a sword hanging diagonally across her back. Her shoes were combat boots, which wasn't at all common.

_And she had bloodstains on the dress._

So when Zel gate crashed the party, she attracted quite a lot of attention, and not all of it was the good kind. Being her, though, she didn't really notice. Well, that was until a particularly brave group of hobbits grabbed her arm and dragged her to a corner.

"Hey! What are you doing here, you don't belong here! Who are you, where's your invitation, huh?

Zel snapped out of it and realized that she was being questioned. Naturally, as the princess of Mordor, she didn't like being questioned. So she showed the hobbits an invitation which she had just pick-pocketed from the ringleader and gave her most evil, most menacing smirk

"I," Zel said regally "am Zel Sauronson. And I am here to attend this party without having to deal with pesky annoyances."

The hobbits blinked and stared for a moment, then ran away screaming at what they perceived as pure killing intent before returning to the beer and deciding that Zel was, must have been a hallucination.

So anyways, Zel waltzed into the party.

And promptly waltzed out.

What on earth was that terrible music? Zel was accustomed to the dark and eerie music of her home, not... this. Growling in distaste, she made her way over to sample some of the food, and promptly spat it out.

Ugh! Was that... vegetarian? Yuck. Zel couldn't stand those, and the drinks didn't even have blood in them! What kind of a party was this!

She shoved her way to a corner and sat in silence. What a terrible ball. As if on cue, Bibbity came up next to her.

"Enjoying the ball?"

"Hey, where did you-"

"Well, I'm glad you are. Party's almost over,"

"Thank god!"

"I know how disappointed you are, but it's okay. The adventures about to begin."

"Bibbity, serious-"

"Now, go to that little hobbit hole and be on your way! Bye!"

_Poof!_

Bibbity was gone. Blinking slightly, Zel shrugged and walked towards the hobbit hole.

So, Zel ducked into the hobbit hole and realized that she wasn't supposed to be there. Oh dear. Whatever. She twisted her ring for luck and sat in the corner. 5 minutes later, Gandalf, for this was really Gandalf, noticed her.

"Oh!" said really-Gandalf "who are you and what are you doing here?"

Zel thought for a moment, because she wasn't entirely certain what she was "doing here". And then she remembered that Bibbity had mentioned a fairytale. So Zel shrugged and said-

"I am Zel, your knight in shining armor!"

There was a really awkward silence, and really-Gandalf said

"Um, your a girl."

Zel started seeing red. HOW DARE HE! She stepped forwards and slapped really-Gandalf, and proclaimed

"How DARE YOU make those stereotypes! I am Bilbo's knight in shining armor, and I shall take him to the elves. Now come on Bilby-bo, we're leaving."

"...but wait!" protested Bilbo as he was dragged out the door by Zel "I'm not really ready!"

Zel scoffed "don't be silly. Now grab that bag and we're going to the elves!"

"But-"

Zel growled and stole the bag out of Bilbo's hands, then slung Bilbo over her shoulder and walked out the door.

"Bye really-Gandalf!" said Zel

"Goodbye, Zel!" said really-Gandalf, who didn't seem to be perturbed at all. This was likely because he had spent years dealing with his nephew, Bibbity.

Zel and Bilbo were walking in the Shire, for Bilbo was quite heavy and Zel didn't like carrying himm when there was a poof, and Bibbity appeared.

"Oh," said Zel "Hello, Bibbity."

Bibbity grinned. "Hello, Zel! I see you have passed the Cinderzella test and met Bilbo Baggins! Of course, originally, I intended for this to end up differently, but, hey, you'll probably be better of with the elves than with the hobbits. Well, you'll have quite a bit of time before the next test, so relax and have fun! I'll give you your sword when you arrive in Rivendell safe and sound, k? Bye!"

Bibbity had said this all in one breath, and then popped away. Bilbo blinked and looked up from his snack, a forest-bacon-toast pudding that he had managed to put together.

"Did something just happen?" asked Bilbo.

I hope to hear from you, readers!


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